Crimson Regret
by fullmoonhowler
Summary: Death seems like the only escape for a young dee laytner, for a young ryo mcclean it is heartbreaking and hard to grasp the idea of his first loves death wish. ShonenAi yaoi Mature for graphic rape, death, sex scenes
1. Prologue

**S/N:** This story is rated M for a reason. It is graphic, crude, violent, lemony, and has shonen-ai (yaoi) rape and willingness in it. This isn't for narrow minded idi- readers to read so if you don't like shonen-ai then don't read my story!

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Fake, never have, never will. Wish I did though, but you know what they say, wish in one hand shit in the other, which gets heavier faster. Yeah so people might not know it, but the shit gets pretty heavy…

**Prologue**

He did it again. Another night of picking my self up off of the floor after another one of hisbeating. Swallowing down the blood and the bile, nursing another borage of wounds caused by his drunken hands. I've never been so taunted by the idea of death before. I have the knife in my hand, wrist bare and ready. Will the pain stop this way? Will it all be over? I drag the knife up my pale, slender wrist; the first cut hurts the most. When I can feel the blood dripping freely, then I switch hands. The bloody knife sinking into the clean flesh of my other virgin wrist. The blood begins to seep out of the wounds, I just sit watching it. I can feel the pain soothing, the life leaving me. My breaths get hoarser and raged. I let the vision of crimson shroud my every thought. All I can smell is the coppery scent of my own blood. All I can hear is my own heart slowing and the sick cruel laughter reverberating from my chest and throat. My vision of blood soon began to swirl away and my thoughts were drifting to a never ending ocean of darkness when I heard a very small voice calling my name. "Dee…" was all I heard and everything when black.

**S/N:** so it was super short, sue me! Don't really 'cause I don't have any money, reviews requested… PLEASE… I BEG OF YOU… REVIEW ME… yeah so I'm pathetic… future chapters coming soon!


	2. Chapter 1:Awake

S/N: Yeah so this is to make up for that really short prologue.

DISCLAIMER: Don't own FAKE, not now, net ever.

_I tired to kill the pain, _

_But only bled more._

_So much more. _

_I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. _

_-Evanesance, _Tourniquet

New Beginnings, Same Old Story

I felt like shit, my arms were really sore and I was pretty sure something was shoved down my throat that wasn't at all tasty. I blinked a couple of times, all the white was blinding. _Am I dead?_ I thought, _I thought suicide was an immortal sin… wouldn't that mean that I was thrown into Hell's eternal flame?_ The sound of sniveling shook me away from the laws of heaven and hell. I opened my eyes to their fullest and waited for the room to settle down into a state where it wasn't so hazy and in disarray. When I could finally focus, my eyes fell onto the form of a crying man with a crown of light brown hair. I knew him, his hair wasn't normally disheveled and the last time I saw him cry was 11 years ago when he got rejected by the idiot girl he thought he was in love. _Ryo_, I tired to say his name but the tubes were running down my throat and all I got out was a bit of saliva and what sounded like "glriyoo."

I watched his head perk up and relief washed over him. I could see the tired bruising around his deep black eyes and to be frank it nearly broke my heart. He stood up and yelled for a doctor, then leaned over me, a hand on my cheek, tears drying up instantly. "I swear to you Dee, you are safe now." His words were flooded by loud sobs, but each word echoed in my head, the memory of what I had done contaminated me and guilt captured all of my being. The image of a blood covered knife falling from my hands and the ocean of crimson terrorized my visions, I blinked them away.

Tears began to unsheathe themselves from my eyes and I began to choke on the tubing down my throat. A man with short, cropped blonde hair entered. He was a shrimp and to top it off he was fat. I didn't like him, but I didn't have much time to criticize him, so I reluctantly awaited instructions. I was choking on tears and tubes. His smile was false, but I listened to his nasally voice anyways. "All you need to do is breath out Mr. Laytner and the tubes will slide right on out." I would have risen an eyebrow. But the look on Ryo's face demanded my seriousness. I took a deep breath and when I exhaled, the tubing came up too. I coughed and sputtered, I began to gasp, my chest hurt with each breath, I wasn't sure if it was from lack of use or the guilt that was weighing me down. A smile touched the doctor's falsely pleasant features. "Now Mr. Laytner, I am Dr. Fitzgerald. I have been the doctor assigned to treat you since the moment of your admittance." His smile faltered a moment after the thought of my 'admittance' resurfaced in his dull memory. "You are not to try to speak for a few hours. You were unconscious for one week and four days. This young man has been with you everyday." The doctor waved a hand to Ryo who was sitting in his chair, head on his knees, a small smile strung up to his lips. "You brother must really love you Mr. Laytner because he nearly had him self thrown out by security the first day he was here.".

I smiled at the lie he used to stay with me. I was adopted, my family hated me. They didn't adopt another child for fear he would turn out like me. I would have laughed, but my throat was sore, ok, it hurt like a bitch, but I still could offer a weak grin. When the doctor left, silence was deafening, all I could do was stair at him. He looked tired and worn. His eyes were full of hope even though they were puffy and bruised from sleep deprivation. His skin was pale, but his face was as warm as ever.

His soothing eyes were laced in tears as he flung himself at me, grabbing me around my neck, and pressing kisses to any part of me he could reach in his position. I smiled a bit, but the guilt still washed over me. "Dee, I was so scared that I had lost you!" He murmured between kisses. I wrapped my arms around him and keep a grip on reality, to not get swept away into the images of my own blood. All I could think was _what have I done?_ Holding him there was making the guilt worse, tears began to cloud my eyes and blur the vision of his honey hair. I could smell the rose shampoo that I was so fond of. I loved that scent; it was what kept me alive for so long. I didn't realize he was still crying until the dampness of my shirt became apparent. I just held him close to me, his heart beat sounded with my own, the music our hearts produced synchronized. Ryo was my heart. I had just then realized it would not have only been my life I was ending, but his. I would have killed him if I had succeeded in my suicide. I tightened my grip on him and sobbed into his silky hair. We laid like that for what seemed like an eternity.

"Ryo," I croaked, my voice was course from not being used. His head lifted and his eyes were wide. I nearly lost my self in the oceans of green his eyes claimed for their color. "I'm sorry." I croaked again, I was pissed because I sounded like a toad and was crying harder from my admission of guilt.

He kissed me hard on the lips, I could taste the salt of his tears on his lips, my tears flooded me once more while he kissed me. When he pulled away from me, I felt like my body was being ripped apart. He straddled me, I knew it wasn't appropriate timing, but I felt the sudden urge to take him right there and scream out his name, surrender my self to him completely for my crime. I loved him and the guilt was destroying me. He cupped my face in his hands, his tears had dried up and seriousness was capturing his features. It scared me a bit. "Why?" his words stung so deeply, I could feel the knife piercing my heart. "Why, my love. You could have come to me with all of your problems. I love you more than life it's self, you are my life, so why? Why would you try _this_?" He gestured at my wrists. "Why?"

My cold green eyes met his. He deserved an answer; I knew if I didn't poor my heart and soul into him, I would lose him. I leaned back onto the bed, it wasn't comfortable at all, but it was all I could do to distance my self from his body, the embodiment of my guilt. He grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. All the warmth of any world was there, I was sinking into it. "Don't you dare try to exclude me anymore. Suicide is permanent Dee, I know you are better than that. Please. Tell me. I need to know." His voice was strong, a rare thing for my gentle Ryo. I put my bandaged arms around him, not caring about the pain. It was time.

"Ryo," I whispered, not trusting my own strength. "He raped me…again"

S/N: I know horrible place to stop, I hope this makes up for a really short prologue. Reviews will help the story go one! Please review! I beg!


	3. Chapter 2:An Angel With Tainted Wings

S/N: Sorry for such a short chapter. I thought it would be longer. Yeah, so this is shonen-ai so it is consisting of two men together in sexual situations. There is a graphic rape scene so this is your warning. I am warning so people cant say that I haven't

Disclaimer: Don't own FAKE, wish I did though…

Recap: Dee tried to kill himself nearly succeeded too, but had just woken up to be faced with the guilt he has caused to his lovers heart. Ryo demands a reason why. So with the little strength that still remains, he begins his confession.

Chapter 2: Angels with tainted wings.

_I'm dying, _

_I'm praying,_

_Bleeding,_

_And screaming._

_Am I too lost to be saved?_

_Am I too lost?_

_-Evanesance, _Tourniquet

"_He raped me…again."_

His eyes widened at the news. It was kinda like watching an angel go SPLAT on the ground when I told him the news. He straightened up and let his hands rest on my lower stomach. I could see the look of confusion on his face, if it was any other occasion, I would have flat out laughed, but under current circumstances, that was way out of line and was the last thing on my mind. Ryo's eyes hardened, his lips pursed, his shoulders straightened, and his attention was only on me. "What?" he breathed, he would have screamed it, but I could tell he thought I was too fragile to hear him yell. "Who?" he questioned in a low voice. "When?" His tone was getting louder. "Why?" His voice was on the verge of yelling now. "Why the fuck didn't you say this before?" Yep, he was yelling. "When the hell were you gonna tell me?" He cried hitting my chest with his fists.

I sat there while he hit my chest, questioning me over and over again until he collapsed against me. I made a mental note to never tell him things that would upset him while I was still in the hospital, 'cause then we wouldn't have an audience or wouldn't have to worry about my vitals. I let him cry there, I didn't want to touch him. He knew I was tainted now. He knew that I was defiled. I was truly scared he wouldn't love me anymore, scared to loose him forever.

When he sat up again, he dismounted me and began to pace. He flopped into a chair and stared at me with his luminous green orbs. He scrunched up in the chair. I knew he was waiting for me to begin to explain what I meant. I gulped and drew my legs up and rested my chin on my white sheet covered knees. It smelled like me. I never liked that smell, it was a dirty scent.

I couldn't look at him, so instead I focused out of the window, on an orange maple leaf hanging desperately to the twig it was connected to. "Ryo, you know how I was adopted?" I quarried with no need for a response but was surprised with, "of course Dee."

I gulped, I felt like I was drowning again as the memory of everything that happened to me pulled me back into the current. I closed my eyes to still the sensation, it didn't work instead I was drawn back into the images of what had happened to me. My eyes snapped open and I took a deep breath, it still hurt a bit, but not nearly as much as the memories did. I steadied my breathing and looked straight into his hollow black gaze. My courage returning with the fire it usually was when I was with him. So I began to tell my love the information he requested of me. My darkest secret, my secret sin.

"It was summer, all warm and sunny. We were on vacation in our summer place in Hawaii. My father had taken me out into the back yard. My mom had gone to the grocery store to pick up junk for dinner." I could hear the bitterness in my voice, but didn't see a point to change my tone, my eyes never left his. "My father, as you know from experience, was and is a bastard, he blamed me for alla his problems and what ever the hell was wrong with his life at the time. He and I were outside; I had just turned 11 a few months before and was living large. 'This is our last year here Dee,' I remember him saying that 'cause of what he did next. Then he grabbed me from behind and forced me to the ground. He was on top of me like a mad man, pinning me to the ground. 'I can't afford this place anymore because of paying your tuition, so in return of your tuition and my loosing this house, I'm gonna take it out of your hide.' Then he pulled down my swim trunks, I cried and hit him, he hit me back and pinned my arms above my head with one hand and then with his other hand, he started… touching me, caressing me more like. Then he grabbed my _part_ and began to yank, then he would run his hand down it then pull up again. He would grunt and he had like this wicked grin on his face, like a wolf who's just got their prey cornered." I paused and took in Ryo's expression, his eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open. I couldn't smile, so I just kept going. As I talked I was envisioning it in my head.

"He used his free hand to pull down his own trunks. I was screaming and kicking, then he punched me, I stopped I was so flabbergasted by that, blood kinda dribbled out of mouth. I was crying, but I was whimpering and sniffling. He then pushed my legs apart and lowered himself between 'em. I was scared, he started sucking on me he let go of my hands, I was so shocked that I couldn't move, I was completely paralyzed. He kept sucking me off I couldn't even fight anymore. Then he pulled away and just looked at me. Then he panted a bit and wiped his forehead of the sweat. 'Well, at least you have one use,' he grinned and flipped me over, 'you taste good.' Was all the fuck head said before he sucked on his finger and plunged it into me. It hurt so bad, I grabbed the grass and screamed. I heard him laughing. He shoved another finger in and began to pulse them, then another, until I thought his whole hand was in my ass. I was screaming, I was so scared, no one was there to rescue me, no hero flying up when I needed him most, just him."

I looked at Ryo again, he was silently crying with his hand to his mouth, I wanted to hug him, but I wasn't finished yet. "He pulled his hand out, I thought it was over my screams dulled down and I was panting and crying again when he just entered me with his part, he just kept thrusting into me. His dick rammed into me so hard and fast I screamed at the top of my lungs, he stuffed his fingers into my mouth to silence me, I was sobbing and carrying on. He kept grinding into me until his hand fell out of my mouth and I dug my elbows the ground. He kept thrusting his marry way. After a while I gave up screaming and just cried again. All hope was lost. I felt something get shot into me. I cringed. I knew that I had just been raped, raped by my father. I would never be pure again. When that was finished he left me there, I collapsed onto the ground. 'That should let you know that you will always wind up paying in the end Dee.' He began to walk away; my elbows and knees were bloody from the encounter, when he yelled to me. 'If you tell anyone about how I am making you pay your debt, I'll kill that friend of yours, I swear I will Dee.' The he walked away, I was crying so hard, I rolled over, I couldn't move much. I just grabbed my trunks, pulled them on and cried. I cried for my ass, I cried cause I got raped, I cried 'cause I really thought it all was my fault. I swore I wouldn't tell anyone 'cause I knew he would kill." I hadn't realized that I had been crying until I felt a tear on my hand. I shook my head to clear it of the images. I didn't look at Ryo. I couldn't.

"It happened at least once a year until I was eighteen. On my eighteenth birthday, was when everything was lost. He found out that I was bisexual and thought what better way to give your son a present then by rapping him with your buddies." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, I was gonna cry, but he had to know, I let the tears fall as I told Ryo about yet another graphic tale of my being rapped. "I went out side after my party, it actually was an enjoyable one 'cause he hadn't been there the whole day. I was walking under the trees in our back yard when the same arms that had grasped me just the night before, had their grip on me again, he dragged me off to the garage and turned on the light. 'Dad?' I cried out, he stepped out from behind the tool box and he walked up to me a smirk rested on his lips. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, two of my father's co-workers came out from behind the tool box and they were all grinning. 'I brought you a present' he was so grotesque. I can't really describe how sickening it was. But they each took turns. Grinding me into the ground, silent tears ever present. Then they wrapped it up by one being in my mouth, another in my ass, and my father sucking me off. 'Happy Birthday' was all the sick fuck said to me afterwards, his friends left laughing and satisfied. I was lying on the floor, crying. Then I pulled up my pants and ran into the bathroom. That was I guess a week and four days ago. You were the friend they threatened to kill. I had had enough; I was tired of waking up and feeling dirty. I was sick of knowing about what was happening to me and being too weak to do anything about it, and I was disgusted with my self for having you because you are so pure and I…" I paused and looked at him, shock still written all over his face, the tears had stopped, but his eyes got impossibly larger. I looked away, "I'm not. I so gross I can't stand me so I went to the bathroom with every intention of killing my self. I think that the only reason why I am alive is because I heard you call my name."

I laughed a bit through my tears, "How weird. Who would have ever thought that you were a guardian angel on top of being the sexiest thing in creation?" I stopped laughing when I caught a glance of him. I was shocked that I was laughing at a time like that, but I was mostly laughing at my stupidity. He looked deeply saddened. Getting up from his chair, he slowly and cautiously walked up to me. He grabbed my wrist and kissed it gently. I couldn't believe it. He grabbed the other and did the same. He straddled me again, carefully so as to not hurt me and wrapped his arms daintily around my neck. He bent down and pressed a watery kiss to my lips. It got more intense when his tongue opened up my mouth and he began to run his tongue over every part of my wet cave. Our tongues danced together, he pulled away, but leaving only a fraction of space between us. "I love you no matter what. I don't care that you think that you are impure. I think you are flawless." He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, he parted only to murmur. "I swear I'll kill him."

S/N: yeah so I am writing Ryo to be a bit tougher than normal, but I would threaten to kill someone too if they were raping my lover. Leaving at a cliff hanger! Please review! I love reviews, they encourage me to keep writing!


	4. Chapter 3: Secrets Revealed

**Side Note**: I am sorry it has been so long, I have been sick a lot lately... So yeah, I have gotten a few reviews, most of them are vague saying things like "umm…interesting." Well I wrote in the brief little summary to bring readers in that stated this is a graphic story. I would like to thank those who are reading and reviewing though, unfortunately this is a different computer so I don't have the names of those who responded, but I would like to thank all eight of you! So thank you very much.

**Disclaimer**: This story is not for the faint of heart, nor is it for those who are touchy on the issues of shonen-ai (yaoi), sex, rape, murder, and suicide, all of these are themes of this story, so those who are against any of the following, please do not read this story, but those who enjoy pitiful attempts of would be authors, read and enjoy._Oh and I don't own FAKE or Evanescence unless I would be obscenely rich… oh well._

**Chapter 3: Secrets Revealed **

My wounds cry for the grave,

My soul cries for deliverance,

Will you be on the other side?

Or will you forget me?

_Evanescence, _Tourniquet

"_I love you no matter what. I don't care that you think that you are impure. I think you are flawless." He pressed a soft kiss to my lips, he parted only to murmur. "I swear I'll kill him."_

It had been three weeks since Ryo and I had that moment in the hospital. I keep waking up in cold sweats remembering the intensity of his voice, the thought of him killing anyone scared me, but what truly terrified me was the prospect of him killing in my name. This time was just the same, I was quivering and muttering "no", as always Ryo was holding me and shushing me into silence. "It's ok love, he can't hurt you now, you're not dealing with him anymore, you'll never have to deal with him again." I told him that I was dreaming about being raped again, but I was actually dreaming of him killing my "father" and my mom, it truly was terrifying. He pulled me back down onto the bed and kissed me until my sobs faded. I had to reassure my self that he wouldn't kill, but the way he said it, I just had a bad feeling.

The next time I woke up, it was to the sensation of being kissed all the way down my stomach, I smiled and arched so that my stomach would be pressed into those warm kisses. Ryo chuckled at my action. "Eager are we?" He muttered as he leaned over and nipped at me. I could feel his happy bulge pressing against my own. "Yes, we are." I whispered. We really started to get into it when a really uninvited intruder knocked at a horribly inconvenient time. Ryo grumbled and got off the top of me, he pulled a blanket over us, I relaxed into the pillow, and he snarled, "You can come in."

Well, the intruder was none other then Jemmy Jamison, a.k.a J.J. I groaned and tried to bury my head in the pillow, with hope that I would be smothered. "What do _you_ want?" I cried in exasperation.

"I just came to check on you Dee, everyone at school has been worried and," he was about to step closer when he was greeted with a growl from Ryo, I could hear him stop in his tracks. "And the craziest roomers have been flying around." Unearthing from the protection of my pillows I looked at him, making sure that I was covered, but it was futile, my erection was very apparent. "What rumors J.J.?" I asked sitting up, Ryo wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer. I had the feeling that he knew what was going to be said and that I wouldn't like it… he was right.

"Well just that your dads been raping you for like ever, and that you tried to kill your self." My jaw fell. J.J.'s eyes widened when he saw this and his mouth went agape as well. "Oh-mah-god! It's… it's true then… you really were…" his voice trailed off and he just stared at me. I felt horrible, disgust, worthless, and dirty… My eyes glazed over as I was beginning to drown in the ocean of darkness that consumed me when I tried …

I didn't know how long it had been or where I was, all I heard was people yelling. "J.J. use some common sense, you of all people should have known to keep your mouth shut, didn't you see me doing the cutting throat sign? You know that one that usually means silence?"

"Well Ryo, I was just informing him of what was going on, you didn't say that he tried to kill himself, you didn't tell me anything but 'he felt rather ill', rather ill my ass!" J.J. yelled right back.

I could hear Ryo pacing; he did it a lot when he got angry, from time to time he would also muttered 'usa' for reasons that I could never even fathom. "Look," he scowled, "I didn't tell for the very reason that has just transpired. Don't you understand that his psyche is in a very delicate state?" Wow did Ryo sound pissed.

I heard J.J. huff then start to pace as well. "Yeah, well at least I told him the truth, unlike you. I mean you of all people have no right to reprehend me! I mean you're-" He was cut off.

"Don't you dare go there J.J." He warned his voice was quaking with rage.

"You're the one who is only with him because you were hired to kill his father!" My eyes shot open.

"I told you to never speak of this!" he bellowed.

"And you also told me you would tell him. The way he is right now, I don't think you'll ever get the opportunity, if he found out, his whole word would fall apart, and it would be your entire fault! He would try to kill himself again, this time I think he would succeed!" J.J. roared. "At least I care about him, you! You are nothing, but a fake! A murderer to boot!"

This truth was swimming through my skull. Not Ryo, not him, please not him. I know that my "father" was a very important person, but I never thought he would get a hit man tagged onto him. I never thought that Ryo… Everything was fake; the love that I felt was for a man who didn't exist, the love I received was not love at, just a gate way to my "father"… All that had kept me alive was fake, all that I kept existing for wasn't real… It was a horrible reality… the fact that I, that I had sex with this man, this stranger; it was almost as if I was getting raped all over again. My eyes widened and I could breath, I was drowning again. The kissed, the hugs, the tears, the sex, the joy, it was all fake. I was gasping for air when I saw him run towards me, I screamed and fell off the bed, the memories were consuming me: how we meet, our first date, the first time we fucked. I was being carried away from my life. I was surrounded by warmth, a hellish heat that was consuming me. I fell into the deep again, this time I didn't want to resurface.

**Side Note**: Yep, so this is the end of this chapter. I think it is getting interesting; I tried not to make it so graphic and go into the juicy details of how they had sex, no matter how fun it would be! Please review. Reviews are needed for future chapters to unfold.


	5. Chapter 4: Sorrow Consumed Rose

**Side Note: **Yeah so I hate it when my favorite authors leave off with a cliff hanger or something really shocking… like I just did… So brand me hypocrite and give me cookies, but I think it was awesome… ish… I recorded my most resent people that had sent me really nice stuff about meh story so thank you xXxMizukixXx, yaoinut, and spicy strawberry for your reviews! They made me disgustingly happy and gooey inside.

**Disclaimer:** This is a graphic story, it has it's rating for a reason. This story contains shonen-ai (yaoi), rape, murder, suicide, incest, molestation, betrayal, and deep depression. If you are suffering from depression or have experienced suicide, you shouldn't read this story. If you are Goth… well it's ok to be depressed and read this, just make sure you have some candy corn… if you don't like candy corn or are allergic, that's ok, there is other candy too. _I don't own Fake or Evanesance… their new CD is really good!_

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me,_

_Still can't find what keeps me here,_

_When all this time I feel so hallow inside…_

_I know your still there…_

_Haunting me…_

_Evanesance, _Haunting

**Chapter 4: Sorrow Consumed Rose**

_The kisses, the hugs, the tears, the sex, the joy, it was all fake. I was gasping for air when I saw him run towards me, I screamed and fell off the bed, the memories were consuming me: how we meet, our first date, the first time we fucked. I was being carried away from my life. I was surrounded by warmth, a hellish heat that was consuming me. I fell into the deep again, this time I didn't want to resurface._

I was gasping for air when I emerged from my sorrowful casa doom. My heart was broken in so many pieces that I knew that I would never be repaired, that I would remain broken and unfeeling until the day that I finally get so deep in the concaved center of my self, that I'll never wake up. A voice was whispering to me, a voice that I used to love so much, a voice that made my world a Technicolor gay wonderland, but now, now it weighs me down like an anvil. "Dee, Dee!" his voice pierced through my honestly flimsy barrier against him.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed while I summoned what little strength I had to break out of his embrace. Arms wrapped around me while I was trying to flee, I didn't recognize these arms so I screamed in terror.

"Shh Dee, it's just me, it's just J.J., Shh, it's alright." J.J. cooed sweetly, I could feel his stair of daggers towards Ryo, but at the moment I didn't care, I would stab him with daggers if I had the chance.

I opened my eyes and saw through the crook of J.J.'s arm Ryo was sitting on the ground his long legs sprawled, he had a hand on his mouth, his charcoal eyes were wide in horror. "You-you…" He stuttered behind the security of his hand, I cut him off before he could start I made sure that he could get the fullness of my acidic stair, I hoped it would cut as deeply as the knife he plunged in my heart.

"I heard enough to figure out that you are a fuck wad, that all you are is a fake, you are just as bad as the shit head who has been raping me for all of these years!" I screamed at him with all I had left.

His ash eyes were wide with mortification, his hand fell to his side limp, his mouth was a gape with shock. It took a moment for him to answer back, I was taking deep breaths to steady myself, J.J. held me tightly in his arms. "Th-that's not true." He whispered I just glared at him through the gap in J.J.'s arms. "I-I would never hurt you, I wasn't supposed to fall for you but I did, I wasn't supposed to get to close but I did. I was just supposed to kill that sick son of a bitch you call your father and was supposed to kill him."

His eyes were full of sorrow, this was a look I had never seen him give me before, one of true regret. Maybe it was my weakened state, maybe it was the love I had for him, maybe it was actually the regret I saw in his black eyes, but I was slowly forgiving him. "I would never hurt you," His words were a promise that I couldn't help but believe. It pissed me off, he was using his sex appeal against me!

"WHY!" I screamed at him, tears were running down my face, I broke free from J.J. and sat right in front of Ryo, my shirt pooled around my elbows, my chest exposed, the scars from nails being dragged along my flesh vivid on my pale skin. I was on my knees, and Ryo crawled up to me I fell into him, hitting his chest with all the strength I had left, crying as I did so, repeating, "why," over and over again until my arms gave out and my head collided with his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry. I felt so weak. Why couldn't I ever stay mad at him? Why did I trust him even though I know the truth? The answer was simple, "I love you." I whispered to him, he smiled at me and kissed me. I passed out, I knew why, I was exhausted from trying to be tough, trying to stand up for my self, I knew I couldn't do it on my own, but I also knew that I couldn't do it with out him.

When I wok up I was back in the bed, but this time, Ryo's arms were round me and I was pressed against his chest. I took in a deep smell of him, Drakk Noir… that smell was my save haven. I opened my eyes to see him smiling down at me. I was about to speak but he kissed me. "I think it is time I told you about me Dee, it is only fair that you get to know."

I sighed, secretly I was hoping that it was just a really bad dream, that when I woke up it would have all been just a really bad dream. Obviously I was sadly mistaken. "Let me enjoy my illusion of you just being a normal boyfriend who isn't a hit man and is really sexy and just wants to make lots of love to me." I snuggled against him and he laughed and pulled my closer.

"As much as I would love for that to be true and as much as I would love to make you sweat under me, we really need to talk about my err… job." He grumbled into my hair. I got into a comfortable location when his words made me recoil.

"Oh, you really know how to ruin a mood." I mumbled as I felt my happy morning erection immediately die.

Sighing he pecked my cheek and pulled me back on top of him. At that moment I realized how weak I really was, how I could never hold to my hate of Ryo, of how I could easily just get pulled back into his arms with out fear of what exactly his intentions were. "Well," his voice was sorrowful and filled with regret. I wrapped my arms about his middle and rested on his chest, he rested his chin on me. "When I was growing up I got mixed up with the wrong crowd… I mean the really wrong crowd…"

**Ryo's Story , (age 10)**

"Please stop it, I don't have any money, so please stop hurting me!" I cried. The boys beating me up paused and laughed.

"You fucking little pussy, if I didn't know any better then I would say that you were a queer little fairy boy now aren't you Ryo?" The leader grinned snidely and they all laughed at the joke. A boy with bright blond hair stepped out of the shadows. He had a metal pipe in on hand and was smacking in into the other hand menacingly.

I looked up and the others turned to face him. "What the fuck do you want kid?" They called to him, I was on all fours in shock. Blood was running down my face and I didn't care.

"Hey we're talking to you!" The snide shit head leader of the ass wipes betting me up yelled. The blond just kept walking, he was pretty interesting looking, His blond hair stood out against his dark tan skin, his eyes were intense but his demeanor was one of somebody ready to kill.

"I don't speak idiot." The kid retorted to the little gang that was drawing closer to him, I couldn't move, between pain and fear I was paralyzed to the spot. They circled him. "What the fuck are you doing on our turf?"

"I don't see your name on it." He said plainly, my eyes never left him. The rest drew nearer.

"It doesn't have to have our name on it, but is has the name of the Italians on it, and we are Italian's and your aren't so get the fuck out of here so we can take care of the whelp, if you stick around, your next." The blond laughed at their threat, I shivered at his response, his laugh was cold and harsh, like snow on fire.

The head of gang was about to punch him when the kid swung the pipe at the Leader's hand. A loud crack filled the alley, the leader doubled over in pain. The rest, like the lemmings they were, jumped the kid and he fought each and every one of them, it was like slow motion to me, they all were falling and howling in pain, holding various appendages. I couldn't scream it was like my throat closed in terror, I was shaking. The boy walked over to me and dropped the pipe to the side, he knelt next to me. "Hey, you ok kid?" His voice had changed, it was kind and soothing.

I just stared for a moment and then remembered how to talk. "I said are you ok?" He asked, his voice was calm still. "I'm ok," I answered softly.

"That's good I was worried they did a pretty bad number to you." He smiled, it gleamed in the light. "I'm Bikky, what's your name?"

I was kinda in shock, I didn't know whether to answer or not. I think the fear was in my eyes, 'cause he spoke again. "I'm not gonna hurt you, looks like they already do enough of that to you that I don't gotta worry about it."

My mouth hung open in dismay, he laughed, I guess that was supposed to be a joke, but I rather found it to be distasteful for the circumstances. "It's ok kid, I've been watching you for a while, you need two things, and I can give it to you, but first I gotta know your name. So what's your name?"

"Randy, but everybody else calls me Ryo…" I clamped a hand over my mouth, my body disobeyed me. Bikky smiled and pulled me to my feet. "Wha-what are the two things I need?"

His smile took my breath away and I couldn't help but smiling too. "You need friends and to know how to fight. I can be your friend and introduce you to other people to be your friends too, and I can teach you how to fight. I mean that way you can stand up for your self, you know?"

"Yeah, thanks for what you did for me…" I blushed and looked away, I was so excited, I had a friend and was gonna learn how to fight.

**Side note**: well that is the end of chapter 4 I hope you enjoyed it and I hope this explaining everything better, So I am changing roles and ages and adding people, I hope that people enjoyed it, and I'll update as soon as I can and Reviews are wanted and needed for another chapter to be in production soon.


	6. Chapter 5: Please No More Blood

**Side Note:** Yeah so I have been getting mixed reviews… It will be explained in this chapter. Thanks for the reviews guys! But I still want more… XB please! Thanks for the reviews by: Aavire, Nette, Doors need lurve 2, Ashley, yaoinut, spicy strawberry, xXx Mizuki xXx, Anime-Lover-95, Pinky, phoenix, girlo, and gddsinferno.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own FAKE, so yeah, there is strong shonen-ai, rape, murder, suicide and all of it is written kinda graphic, so please readers who are sensitive to the themes, please let it be known, I warned you…

**Chapter 5: Please, No More Blood.**

_Don't put your life in some ones hand_

_Their bound to steal it away…_

_If you wanna get out alive,_

_Run for your life._

_If you wanna get out alive,_

_Run for your life._

_Run-_ Three Days Grace

"_Yeah, thanks for what you did for me…" I blushed and looked away, I was so excited, I had a friend and was gonna learn how to fight. _

His eyes found mind, their ash color was glazed over and lost in a pensive. He looked older, the bags under his eyes apparent, guilt written in every wrinkle and line on his face. The smoothness he used to have melted away as he told me his story, a rigid, broken, tortured man revealed. I watched the man I once knew melt away, and the man who I wanted to know surface. I lost my self in the vision of him, but I realized that what I really needed most was to hear more, I was hungry for the truth and would never forgive him if he never told me, in the state he was in, I would wager he would poor his whole heart out, which was exactly what I thought I deserved. He looked up at me in sadness; I reached out and cupped his face. "Tell me, tell me more." I whispered to him, I knew that I had to know, an angry demon in me demanded the information to condemn him, but the angel that had been hidden from me for so long wanted to know, so that all could be forgiven.

"Alright," he murmured into my hair. "Bikky was unlike anyone I had ever known he had all the best connections, he got me into several versions of self defense and we together did better in school. I was the brains and he was teaching me the bronze."

'Hey Ryo, Earth to Ryo, yo Ryo!' He screamed at me. I snapped out of the memory of all those years ago, it had been four years since the day he saved me. Everyday after that day, we were inseparable, blood brothers pretty much he taught me how to fight, but that was only the beginning. He had gotten me into some pretty deep shit, but nothing like what we were going through six years later.

**_Ryo's story part II (age 16)_**

"So like I was saying, this guy is the top guy, this guy will open you to a world that you and I could never have gotten by our selves dude, well without being killed by the competition, this is our chance to be somebody." He grinned so big it was hard to resist the offer, the only time I had ever seen him look so happy was when he lost his virginity to his girlfriend.

I laughed. "Dude, calm down I get the point, this guy is the shit, but this shit has no name, who is it Bikky."

"Dude, I can't believe you of all people haven't heard of him, his name is Leo Grant dude, he is one of the biggest gang leaders here in New York, I'm surprised at how such a smart guy like you could be so blissfully ignorant to the crime gangs of New York." He teased as he tussled my hair. I couldn't belief it, my mouth fell open and I just gaped at him. "Don't look so happy dude, sup?" He let me go and sat on his haunches and cocked his head, he looked like a puppy, I learned that that was his "concerned face."

I remembered how to breath, then I steadied my self, I chose my words carefully because just when I was about to yell, a thug emerged from the door across form us and gave us a weird look, I smiled at him and turned to my friend with a very distorted face, "My god Bikky, you said you got us a job interview, you never said it was a goon draft for a gang!" I snarled in a whisper.

"Ha-ha," he just laughed at me, when he calmed down I crossed my arms over my chest as scowled. "Dude, with my grades, the only thing I am qualified to do is work at Mickey D's or beat people up. Your grades and knowledge of law you could be a cop, but with your past and rap sheet, you can't even be a janitor at the police station."

I sighed, he had a point I was about to comment when a gorgeous woman with long golden hair emerged from the office looking just as depressed as I felt. Then a man, I knew his face from all the papers. "Leo," I muttered under my breath. He smiled a fake smile that only a regretful man could muster, I couldn't believe it or Bikky for getting us into this shit.

"Won't you step into my office boys?" His voice was lazy and tired, and he smelled like cigarettes, he looked so much crisper in the papers, in real life; he had bags under his eyes, five o'clock shadow of the worst kind, tasseled hair, loose neck tie, and a blood stain on his pant leg near his ankle. We got up from our chairs reluctantly and I walked behind Bikky, looking around and taking in the features, mostly trying to figure out the quickest way to exit.

When we walked in there was a handsome desk with an antique chair sitting behind it, but nothing else, save the man cowering in the corner being held by two men. My eyes returned to the desk and there were four guns, I paled at the sight, and my imagination ran wild with what sort of interview this was supposed to be. I looked over at Bikky and he looked almost giddy with anticipation. Leo leaned against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest; the fake smile disappeared and was replaced with a very serious countenance. "Both of you grab a gun."

We did, both of us, my hand hesitated for just a moment, but when I felt a gun to my hand, I figured it would be the smart thing to do. I grasped it in my hand; the metal was cold against my skin, and the grip foreign to my hand. I put it down and grabbed the white gun firmly, the pearl handle fit like a glove in my hand and I oddly felt more confident in my self, under the circumstances it was enough the stop me from laying a brick in my pants. I didn't really care what type of gun it was, but I could tell that it was gonna be the only thing I was to trust in this situation, I had the sinking feeling that my best friend would shoot me just to get into the gang, it wasn't a good feeling.

"Now see that man over there in the corner?" Leo gestured a scared hand over to the shivering man in the corner. We both nodded. He looked at both of us for a moment, when his eyes fell on me; it felt like he was peering right into my being. I shivered, he smirked. "Blondie, what's your name?"

Bikky's eyes distanced them self, his eyes had dilated, adrenaline was pumping through him and he looked like he was ready to kill. "Bikky, Boss."

"Boss," he repeated, his grin was morbid, "I like that kid, Vinny here is gonna get you equipped with everything and you'll be living in the main house. You, I want you to stay here." Vinny was a colossus who probably had the mental capacity of a cashew nut. Bikky followed him like a puppy out of the room; he had already thought I didn't exist. I watched him leave and the realization that my one and only friend just dropped me like a hat kit me like a ton of bricks, I turned a cold stair to Leo. "You, you look like a killer." He said simply.

I laughed, it was cold and so different from my own laugh that it scared me, but I kept laughing. "I do, do I?" When did I get so ballsy, I thought to my self in shock. I had the image of Bikky walking out of that room embedded in my mind, I would never forgive him, I couldn't he didn't even say good luck, he just left me pouncing after an oaf like an eager pup. I was pretty angry and could kill Leo right there. The thought of him dead before me was appealing.

"Kill him." Leo brought my attention back from my own thoughts and the want I had to kill died. "Wh-what?" I gasped.

Leo's tired eyes fell on my own. He looked into me again, this time, I felt like I was being drowned in slime. "A moment ago you looked like you wanted to kill me because your best friend in the whole world was so easily bought off. I want you to kill that man like you want to kill me, if you don't, I'll have to kill you because you have seen too much for me to let you walk out of here alive. So either he dies, or you die." He had the gun cocked and aimed right at my chest, I looked over at the man shivering, I knew they were gonna kill him, it was life or death right? I turned to him, both the men holding him had let go and had their guns pointed at me. Bikky popped into my head, this was his dream, to be in a brother hood, even if it was a brother hood of murderers and drug dealers, I owed him my life, no matter how mad I was at him, that would always be hung over my head. I am in his debt. I turned to the man and swallowed back my heart, I walked towards him and pressed the gun to his head, right between his eyes and I pulled the trigger. I was deaf to the gun shot, but I wasn't blind. I watched his brains fly out of the back of his head and hit the wall in a mess of blood, bone fragment, and liquid, I watched it slide down the wall. I watched his eyes widen, his eyes dilate, skin loose all color, and life leave his pale green eyes. I dropped my arm to my waist and turned to Leo. All of my innocents had died, all of my beliefs, all of my love, and all that I held close to my heart had evaporated, I just killed a man for no other reason then to stay close to a man who I owed my life to, so that I could pay it back. I felt my world collapse when Leo's hand patted my shoulder. "That was a good job my boy. Laurence, take um… what's your name kid?"

I was still in shock but I answered automatically. "Randy Maclean, sir." My voice was little more then a whisper as I watched the man finally fall to his knees and slam on the ground becoming drenched in his own blood. I was sick but I couldn't vomit.

"Alright Randy, Laurence take Randy upstairs, clean him up, get him the gun and take him with you on tonight's hit, I have the feeling he is gonna be the best thing that has ever happened to this organization." Leo ordered tiredly, "Hector, clean this mess up, I am gonna turn in for the night, call me and let me know how it goes down tonight. Welcome to the Organization Randy." His last words were bitter and I promised my self that I would kill that man someday.

Laurence took me out of the room, the scene was still playing over in my head, I was finally able to vomit, so I paused on the stairs and let it all come out all over Laurence's shoes. I didn't feel bad, I didn't feel better either, but we continued up the stairs and when we got to the top Bikky was there and smiling at me. "Sup dude, now we are brothers, now we are the shit." I wanted to kill him, but I couldn't, I even rose my gun hand up, but there wasn't a gun there. "My debt to you is repaid man." My voice was barely there but I knew he got the point when he looked at me in disbelief.

"I thought you wanted this too." He said as I continued to follow Laurence up the stairs. I stopped and turned around. "I just wanted to be your friend forever, not get sold off like a tool to a whole bunch of murderers. I am not your friend anymore, he died in that room. The gun blast you just heard was your friend Randy dying."

Laurence gawked stupidly at me, it pissed me off. "Then who are you then?" he asked.

"Sable," I muttered and followed Laurence up the stairs. "My name is Sable." I repeated more to my self then to Laurence.

**End of Ryo Story Part 2**

I looked up into his obsidian eyes and nearly wept. There was so much regret in his there, like tar pools of sin dying to have rain cool it down, and eventually stop it. I reached up and touched a tear that slid down his cheek; I knew it wasn't my turn to talk yet, so I sat against him. Where did my hate go? Where did my strength against him go? Where did my will to leave him go? I didn't know, nor did I really care, all I knew was that the man whose hair I was caressing was just as tortured as me. The true was supposed to scare me away, I knew that, but I knew that this man was just as scared, mutilated, and unloved as I was.

I pecked my lover's lips and relaxed against him when I felt his chest rise taking in breath to speak, I rested against him and waited, I knew not to push him, my eyes wandered over to J.J. who was white knuckled on the chair, color drained from his face, and panting for more. I chuckled at him; he was wrapped up in this drama.

"Sable was my code name from then on, even the papers referred to me as 'Sable the Merciless' but that didn't stop me until about three years later when I was doing some recognizance on a hit and a hot guy with jet black hair and piercing green eyes bumped into me." His tone was that of Buddha when he said that last part. My heart fluttered because I could practically hear the love and adoration in his voice. "I met you the day that I was starting the job on your father. You see, he did the booking for us and also kept an eye on the jury pools selected for cases on some of our guys. He also is one of our biggest investors in our heroine market."

I knew he was doing something that got him high, that's when he would rape me was when he was at his peeks. I shivered as the memories began to ensnare me. His voice shook their vice grip free. "I have to say babe you inspired me. Once we get you functioning without the thoughts of suicide, I am gonna do a number on him so good, they'll only have teeth fragments to identify him with."

"Ryo," I purred his knowing that my tone and actions would make him succumb to anything. I didn't want him to kill anymore; I especially didn't want my father to have the satisfaction of death when he really deserves a life in prison being ass rammed by the booty bandit bubba. I began to nibble on his and I ran a seductive finger down his chest and toyed with the hem of his pants. "Please don't, let the police deal with him, let them keep dealing with him, let him go to prison, I need you to promise me something." I whispered, I knew what I had to do… he was still a murderer, but with me, he didn't have to be.

"What is it," he whispered into my ear, before he nibbled on it.

I gulped, between pleasure, and nervousness, I needed a good gulp to help steady my self for what I was about to ask of him… you know the promise that compromises any mass murderer for hire. "Promise me you'll stop killing."

**Side Note:** So that's it for this chapter I promise the next will be longer, please review if you would like a next chapter…


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